Self Compassion When You Don't Have Time- Rachael's Insight

Guest blog

Apr 20

self compassion static1.squarespace.jpg — Compassion

Self Compassion When You Don’t Have Time

Self-Compassion changed my life and I tell everyone about it. The idea of self-compassion is bringing kindness to ourselves within our own suffering/hard times not to change the situation, but just to be with ourselves where we are.

This is a lifelong exploration and it takes time and practice.

When we are compassionate with ourselves it brings in space and that spaciousness can allow for so many other possibilities than when we are stuck in self-criticism. Moving from being mostly critical with myself to being mostly compassionate has taken a lot of time and practice and it is worth every bit of it. When we can access self-compassion and really feel it in our bodies, we can more easily shift out of activated states and be more present with ourselves and the people in our lives. When I was lost in a fog of self-hatred I was not available for anything except a downward internal spiral.

Compassionate Companion

One self-compassion hack that I recommend when folks are busy and this idea seems hard to access in our bodies, is to invite a compassionate companion into your inner world. This person could be real or imagined, alive or passed, an ancestor, your favorite author, character from a movie or book, or artist, an animal, a plant, a place in nature, the moon - any energy or being that wants the best for you and regards you with unconditional friendly regard.

You can take some time in a mindful state* to allow this being to come into your consciousness. When you find this, or even a small piece of it, begin noticing what you feel like, how your body responds to being in the presence of this being who deeply believes in you and sees you fully. Immerse yourself in the experience, images, sensations, thoughts, how you are breathing etc.

If you would like to, you can allow yourself to open to them offering you a gift or a message or some wisdom. You might not know what it means yet. That’s ok. See if you can make some space to just sit with it and trust that the meaning will unfold.

One of the times I did this my compassion companion gave me a ball and I realized they wanted to gently encourage me to play more, other times there have been different gifts and messages and I have always been grateful for them.

You could begin forming a relationship with this being/energy/creature/place. You could begin to notice when you are being critical of yourself and ask this compassion companion to come alongside of you and help you create more room for self-kindness.

The beautiful thing about this process is that in some ways this compassion is coming from outside of you

Tips To Practice Self Compassion

You can draw or paint a picture of this being, or make a collage or find a rock or necklace or special object that connects you to them somehow and make that part of your life. Maybe you take a photo of that special thing and save it as the image on your phone background or you wear the necklace everyday and touch it when you are feeling stressed or critical.

Another tool I have used that really helps is putting my hand over my heart or gently on my face as I remember that I am having a hard time and I am not alone.

The beautiful thing about this process is that in some ways this compassion is coming from outside of you in the form of this other being and in a very real sense it is also coming from inside of you and therefore is self-compassion.

This is a lifelong exploration and it takes time and practice. We have lots of messages about why it isn’t ok to be kind to ourselves. Sometimes we get self-compassion (being kind to ourselves no matter what) mixed up with self-esteem (feeling good about ourselves because of what we can do/how we can do it). Sometimes being kind to ourselves brings up painful memories of when we really needed others to be kind to us and they were not. Sometimes we think if we are kind to ourselves we won’t try hard enough.

The thing I know is that, even in the face of all of that, we have this in us- this place of seeing ourselves kindly and with love. If we can stay with it and sometimes get some outside help to support us to uncover that inner compassion, we will find it and we can cultivate it and it will grow. Eventually we can have our default thought be, “oh honey, this is so hard” rather than, “I am such a failure.” The difference between those thoughts and responses is the possibility for a completely different life experience even if the circumstances are the same.

May we find people, practices and moments that support your journey to being kind to ourselves no matter what.

*A quick note on mindfulness: In essence, mindfulness is choosing to pay attention to the present moment with curiosity and not judgement. It is about making space for whatever is happening for you in the present moment without trying to change or label it. It is simple, but not easy. It takes practice and there are lots of resources to learn and practice mindfulness more.

Written By: Rachael Koeson

About The Author:

Rachael Koeson is certified in a body-based, mindfulness healing method and integrates an analysis of systemic oppression into her work. I’m addition to working with folks individually and as couples she also offers workshops on eco-grief, healing from toxic whiteness for white folks so we do less harm to people of color, and embodiment and Somatic Resiliency. Self-compassion is the foundation of everything she does.

You can find her on IG at @midwifeforcollectiveliberation

FB @amifwifeforcollectiveliberation

Website: amidwifeforcollevtiveliberation