Change the Batteries- Olivia's Insight
Battery
Change the Battery
Photograph from Unsplash
Updated April 2021
I bought my first electric toothbrush recently and I absolutely love it. Last night, as I was brushing my teeth, my husband noticed that my toothbrush had become weaker. The reduction in power happened so gradually, that I did not notice it. To my amazement, changing the batteries gave my toothbrush the boost it needed to work more optimally. You see, I had become so accustomed to the substandard operation of my new gadget that I'd forgotten how much better of a job it does when it is operating at full capacity.
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The Realization
As I was brushing with my now fully functioning toothbrush, I came to the realization that there are some other areas in my life where I am operating at reduced capacity. I have unwittingly accepted some substandard situations as my norm. As a self-proclaimed Strong Black Woman (SBW), I have mastered the art of adaptation, doing whatever it takes to succeed. I proudly wear an “S” on my chest, never breaking a sweat, and always showing up with a helping hand. Because that is what we do. The SBW is celebrated, despite the fact that the trade-off is often our health - physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes spiritually.
Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Jazz Keyes, defines the Strong Black Woman Syndrome as a multidimensional phenomenon with characteristics such as: the obligation to manifest strength, suppress emotions, help others, be successful, and resist vulnerability and dependence.
I am who I am, because of who I come from.
Our gift
Perhaps like me, you have sacrificed parts of yourself, in order to maintain the reigns of your SBW persona, holding down families, careers, educational and entrepreneurial pursuits, and let us not forget – an ideal social life (strategically displayed on social media, of course!).
So, what do we do with this gift that we've inherited from the women that came before us, and the sisters that stand beside us?
How do we navigate the waters of being dependable to everyone, but never dependent on anyone?
How do we maintain our own authentic voice, in an environment that necessitates code-switching?
How do we express ourselves without being branded as the angry black woman?
How do we do manage real life when our capes are snagged and we don't have the time or luxury to mend them?
As a recovering Superwoman (because... it's a process), I have found that I have to be intentional about carrying on the legacy of my mother, by building a rich legacy of my own. I’ve realized that I was not created to fill her platform shoes, but to rock my Chucks like only I can. Yes, I embrace all of my Black Girl Magic, and the rich heritage of my foremothers who have instilled in me, principles that have served me well. I am who I am, because of who I come from. But, like my toothbrush, my SBW batteries were operating at a substandard. The pressure to exhibit strength while keeping all my emotions in check was exhausting. I had to find alternate ways to display my SBW powers so that the next generation could embrace their heritage while being their true selves.
…focus on your own unique journey.
Tools To Help You Recover
Here are some tools that are working for me:
Leave “they” behind. First, can anyone tell me who “they” are? These mysterious “theys” are constant reminders of our past, and negative foretellers of our future. "They" are the ones that we are competing with to get the better careers, to marry the classier man, to live in the bigger house, to drive the faster car, and so on. Leaving “they” behind allows you to tune out all the distractions, and focus on your own unique journey.
Live your truth. For a long time, I modeled my business and ministry after others that I admired. I struggled because I was trying to fit their journey into my own path, but I was never meant to be a pathfinder. I am a trailblazer! Listen, what you have is different from what your mom, sister, or best friend has. That’s because the gift that you are, is specific for the people that are assigned to you. Whether you are loud or quiet, skinny or thick, natural or relaxed, degreed in the halls of academia or in the codes of the streets, there is a purpose for your life that only you can fulfill. Living your truth is being who you are, where you are.
Lift your sister. Historically, we have been taught to be mistrusting and competitive with one another. Listen, I dare you to be bold enough link up with another sister whose gifts are different than yours - not inferior or superior, just different. Then, watch how magic happens because you are able to complement and compliment one another. Lifting your sisters means that the next time you see your girl out there winning, you take a moment and let her know that you see her. (And guess what? She sees you, too).
Learn new ways. As a SBW, I had been strong so long, that I didn't know how to not be strong, even though I was tired. Setting boundaries was an illusion. I was the safe place for others, but I didn't have a safe space. So, I did what any sensible, intelligent, recovering superwoman would do - I went to therapy. Let me tell you, there is something powerful about being in a place where there are no expectations of you and you can take the time to discover who you really are. Not only did I learn to set boundaries, I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, and to express my emotions. Learning new ways is simply recognizing what is no longer working, and finding an alternate what to make it work.
Perhaps, it’s time for you to check your batteries so that you’re not like me and my toothbrush, operating within a limited capacity with worn batteries. You deserve the benefits of full, authentic power.
Now go, recharge, and be great(er).
Written by: Olivia Tate
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About the author
Olivia Tate, affectionately known as “Lady O” is a minister, and a licensed professional counselor intern, seeking to bring wholeness and wellness to her community. As a passionate speaker and writer, she is on a mission to bring peace in the midst of life’s chaos. When she’s not out trying to make her mark in the world, she enjoys traveling the world with her husband and family.