Ah! It’s Spring! Either you are celebrating engagements, weddings, birth announcements or the freedom of being released from halfaxx relationships. Congrats to all! I love it all, but I’m seeing some foolishness that is transpiring in this dating game. Let me remind you who you are…BETTER THAN THE BS.
Last night, I had a convo with a group of single women. The consensus was that they were tired, and therefore have decided to be single, raise their kids, do their own thing & make relationships a low priority on the totem pole. “Either you settle or you stay single”, one said. Is that the play?
Are You Settling?
When asked what settling was, they weren’t talking about dating someone who had less than (jobs, education, money, etc.), but settling being cheated on (and finding out via social media), disrespected, and insulted by not only the person that they are dating, but the side girl (or maybe she is the main, ugh, who knows). What grown woman has time for that? What grown man has time for this would be a better question.
The dating game has become savage and deadly. Peep this: You become involved with someone, who you think supports you. You make plans to have fun with “the love of your life”. Then, that turns out to be merely a mind game to feed the ego of a selfish, manipulative man-child, who moves on to the next victim. Men I’ve encountered have shared their witnessing the emotional toll on the now called “new aged females”. Women are being victimized and left to rebuild from the emotional, physical, verbal, and mental abuse, alone. It’s so sad that singleness is now causing depression, PTSD, anxiety, and in some cases, suicide or enraged lovers that take matters in their own hands. Men I’ve encountered have shared their witnessing the emotional toll on the now called “new aged females”. This is not the love that my parents had. This is a different type of ride or die.
Put this b*@# in park, I will walk.
Ladies, since the petty bus makes stops frequently, don’t make your situation worse. Never fight over a man. If you feel like you have to compete with another woman, you mean little to him. One of my brothers (probably the most “player” of them all) always told me that a man will never throw the girl that he cares about in the ring, he protects her. You are the prize. “If a man really cares about you, and he knows he’s not ready, he will let you know, step it up, or let you go. Don’t chase or he will think you want to play,” he added. If you want something real, wait for it.
Shout out to the great men. I know so many of them, and I never want to discredit my people. However, if you are dealing with “f@#*boys”, I would suggest that you save yourself. Bless it and release it, like my great grandmother would say,
“Let go or be dragged.” ~Zen Proverb
Ditch the DoDo, and make love to your dreams. They will keep you warm at night.
Live. Learn. Love. Better this time.
What are your thoughts on the statement-”either you settle or you stay single” ? Is this a topic you can relate to? Comment your thoughts below.
Written by: Stephanie Davis M.Ed, LPC
Stephanie Davis, M.Ed, LPC, CEO of Heartwork Trending Counseling & Consulting, PLLC.,is a Youth and Young Adult Therapist, former School Counselor, and poet/author of Unmasked: The Journey and Its Lessons, Unmasked You Too: Collections of Introspections & an interactive journal, The Heartwork Journal. Ms. Davis curates mental health events, self-care & personal wellness sessions & believes that counseling and educating youth and young adults is a "work of heart". For more info, check out www.heartworktrending.net, Instagram (@heartworktrending), Twitter (@imsdavis)